Isn't it easy to think of oneself as busy and then in retrospect to realize that those moments that seemed busy were just normal life and whatever is going on in the present is way more busy than before? If you read that run-on sentence and it actually made sense to you the first time through it means one of two things A) you totally get where I'm coming from OR B) you really like to read run-on sentences and must be an English teacher with years of experience reading student work. I guess there is also a C option - you are just as tired as I am!
Maybe it's me, but I also think when we are so busy (or at least feel so busy) and we are Lutheran or some other group of people that feel guilty often, busy is supposed to feel like blessing. Busy means we have a job. Busy means people fill out lives with conversation and insight and care. Busy means we have a house to clean and are perhaps blessed with children to care for. So, when for a moment, we don't want to be BUSY. When for a moment we long for a day of nothing, we are slapped with a nice pile o' guilt. A nice pile of "just". Just be grateful you have... fill in a string of items you should "just" be glad to claim in your life.
Perhaps it isn't so much the word "busy" that is hard to swallow when I feel this way, it's the word "just". My mind instantly goes back to the moment I realized I didn't fit in, at least not spiritually, with a group of friends and the religious affiliation that was part of the spiritual exploration of my college years. I called them, "the justers". I know perhaps this whole line of thinking sounds judgmental or harsh. It's not my intent at all. These are some extremely faithful people - likely more so than me. No matter how hard I tried, I was stuck on the "just". 'God, I just want to..." Which for some reason, felt like a separation and pushing away from the reality for me that God was standing right with me. "God, I just want to..." I don't need to "just want to" do, say or be anything. I can almost here Jesus saying, 'I am.' 'You are.' 'Just do it already!'
God, I am thankful for this day. God, I am thankful for my friends who support me. God, I need your hand. Simple & complete language that remind me everyday that in my busy, it's okay to feel overwhelmed. In my busy, deep down, I'm extremely grateful, but I can also call on God for rest and comfort and renewed strength. Isn't that "just" the best thing around!
It's been a full beginning to the week with many gratitudes. For a wonderful worship experience at a church at which my pastor friend was supply preaching. For S sitting so nicely I actually heard the sermon (which was excellent!). For the people of Village Church in Milwaukee being so welcoming and caring. (They didn't flinch when S over dipped her communion bread and we pulled it out of the grape juice.)
For amazing ideas and collaboration at my new position. For reconnecting with old friends. For supportive staff who don't care how many times I call them about computer issues and that I am NOT the magical computer fixer anymore! Praise the Lord!
For a walk in the sun today and running into a wonderful woman from our old church and her daughter. For the gifts of life in the crocus blooming outside (I'll try to get a picture tomorrow!).
For the energy of students and their drive and dedication.
The past few days my physical activity has mostly been spurts of walking here and there. I am hoping for a run again one of these days, but for now, the walks will be better than nothing!
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